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Article about dating at 50 blog:
and what you should do about it - Stitch
The top 6 reasons why online dating doesn&#039,t work, particularly for over 50s, and what you can do about it. Why online dating over 50 doesn’t work … and what you should do about it. Why online dating doesn’t work … and what you should do about it.



The last decade has seen an explosion in the number of online dating sites around the world, and the number of people using them. According to some estimates, there are over 8,000 online dating sites worldwide, and over 2,500 in the US alone. Yes, that’s just the number of different sites , it’s no wonder that many people find online dating overwhelming! A bit over a decade ago, online dating was viewed by many as the last resort for those who hadn’t found a relationship the “normal” way. These days, it is often the first option for someone looking for romance, not the last. The industry has completely transformed a fundamental aspect of human communication, changing how we meet new people and go looking for partners. In the US, online dating is now the second most common way for heterosexual couples to meet (behind introductions through friends). It’s crazy when you think about it. After millions of years of human evolution, and thousands of years of the development of human society, humans had settled on the idea that in-person interactions through fun, face-to-face social activities were the best way to meet new people. And then along came online dating to blow that idea away. Instead of meeting people in a fun social environment first, and using all the social tools we have to figure out if you like somebody’s company, technology arrived to help you make a decision about someone without ever even needing to meet them in person. And with such an alluring promise, it’s understandable why online dating took off so quickly. Suddenly there was a different way to find a partner, one that promised practically infinite possibilities, where an algorithm could find you the “right” person without you needing to do the hard work of ever actually talking to them in person. And if you don’t like what you see, you can always click on to the next profile – there is always another candidate just around the corner! Of course, online dating wouldn’t be so popular if it didn’t work for so many people. According to some estimates, over a third of marriages in the US are now from couples who first met online. (Interestingly, that definition of “meeting online” includes more than just online dating sites, and includes all sorts of social networks and online communication.) But for many people, there is a growing body of evidence that online dating simply doesn’t work. And this is particularly true for older adults. If you’re aged 50 or over, finding a partner online is even more complicated. You’re not looking for the same things you were when you were young: you’re not typically looking to settle down and have kids, for example! Your reasons for finding someone are often broader and more diverse, you may not even be really sure if it’s romance you’re looking for at all. Add those complications to the fact that online dating is, for many people, a thoroughly dispiriting experience, and it’s no wonder that older adults are more likely to rate it as a negative experience than any other demographic. But how is this possible? If some people are finding love through online dating sites, why does it fail so many others? To answer this, let’s take a look at some of the main reasons online dating doesn’t work. And then I’ll tell you what you can do about it! 1. Filters are your enemy. Researchers in the UK recently calculated the odds of finding a compatible partner if they used the average person’s requirements (in terms of desired age, physical requirements, location, and so on). They found that just over 84,440 people in the UK fit the average person’s requirements, from an adult population of 47 million. That’s the same as 1 in 562. In other words, applying the average person’s filters when it comes to finding a compatible partner gives you less than a 1 in 500 chance of being successful. And it gets worse the more prescriptive you are about your requirements. Some sites take this to an extreme degree and let you go nuts specifying the attributes you want: professional background, religion, salary, ethnicity, personal habits, even pet preferences! What they don’t ever make clear is that each filter you add diminishes your chances of finding a compatible partner even further. Forget 1 in 562, you could literally be talking about 1 in a million . The promise of making it easier to find your “ideal” companion by letting you add filters to hone in on specific requirements has actually had the opposite effect, diminishing your pool to the point it becomes almost impossible to find anyone! Before online dating existed, finding a compatible fit was far less clinical, you’d meet someone in real life, and if you enjoyed their company you might decide to on another date, maybe more. You would at least talk to someone before you’d go anywhere near finding out what their pet preferences were … and you’d then use your own judgement about whether you liked them or not. There is increasing evidence that, in face-to-face meetings, we are subconsciously picking up clues about the suitability of future partners based on a wide variety of non-verbal information. Online dating lures us with the false promise of an “ideal” partner so much that we apply filters that ensure we never get to meet that person in the first place. 2. A profile is not a person. If you’ve ever created an online dating profile for yourself, you know that it only scratches the surface of what you’re like. No profile, no matter how well-written, could ever hope to capture the full extent of your personality. Unfortunately, when you’re reading the profiles of other people, it’s easy to forget that this rule applies to them, too. You know that what you’re seeing isn’t an accurate representation of them, but it doesn’t stop you from judging them on it anyway. To make matters worse, most people suck at selling themselves, and do a terrible job of their profiles. And, of course, the ones who are good at selling themselves generally do so by misrepresenting themselves to some extent. When you encounter one of these profiles, you haven’t met your ideal partner. You’ve just met someone who is good at telling you what you want to hear. Nobody’s profile really represents what they’re like in real life. And as a result, you will either underestimate them – and dismiss someone who could be a good match – or else overestimate them and then be disappointed when you meet in person. Either way, judging people by what they say about themselves is a sure-fire path to disappointment. 3. Algorithms don’t work. Did you know that there is ZERO evidence for matching algorithms actually working? That’s right, despite all the claims made by industry leaders such as Match and eHarmony about how well their matching algorithms work, over the last 20 years the consistent finding from researchers and sociologists, most notably a large-scale 2012 study published by the Association for Psychological Science, is that matching algorithms simply do not work. This may account for the rise of an app like Tinder, which does away with the premise of algorithms altogether and relies pretty much wholly on the ability to make a snap judgement based on looks alone.

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