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Article about online dating etiquette 2016:
For every job there are hundreds of applicants submitting their resumes and cover letters. For a truly good job with excellent benefits, there are hundreds of interested candidates. Would you send in a sloppy resume and a one sentence cover letter to apply to your dream job?&hellip,
Online Dating Etiquette: The Do’s and Don’ts of Messaging.


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Online dating is a lot like a job search. For every job there are hundreds of applicants submitting their resumes and cover letters. For a truly good job with excellent benefits, there are hundreds of interested candidates. Would you send in a sloppy resume and a one sentence cover letter to apply to your dream job? Would you blanket the market with a generic cover letter in the hopes that somebody gets back to you? In job searches as well as online dating, you have one shot at making a good first impression. If you succeed, your prospective match will look at the rest of your application. How do you write your message to make that all important first impression? Introduce yourself. When you apply to a new job, you would start by telling your prospective employer a little bit about yourself in the cover letter, right? Say your prospective match is an environmental activist. You would say, “Hi, my name is Tim and I work in a nonprofit that helps children. We work on a lot of cases of families that are impacted by climate change.” Just your name and something you have in common are enough. Providing the basics is 1) respectful because it doesn’t assume that she’s read your profile 2) announces that you are a member of society, 3) shows confidence. Identify commonalities. When you read her profile, notice what are her passions. What are the things that are most important in her life? What are her goals and interests? The more you can align yourself with the things that are important to her, the more likely she will be interested in you. For example, if she volunteers for an animal shelter and has pictures of herself with pets, say, “I notice that you love working with pets. I got my dog from a rescue agency in Chester County. He was six months old when I got him and timid as a mouse, but now he’s the king of the house! Where did you get yours?” Boom! You have found a way to relate to her and opened the conversation for something she loves. Share a hook: If you have a mutual interest in writing, you could say, “I’m also interested in writing and I’m currently working on a screenplay. What do you write about and do you share any of your work online?” When you say “I’m currently working on a screenplay,” that’s a hook that the other person can ask you about. Make sure that it’s a hook that she could respond to. For example, if she mentioned that she enjoys the beach, you might share, “My sister had her wedding on the beach. We had a guitar band after dark, and the next day we got to hang out at the beach with all her friends. It was so much fun!” Share these little teasers so that the other person has something to ask about you in addition to answering your question about her. Ask a question related to her interests: Asking a question shows that you’ve read her profile and gives her something to respond to. Asking for recommendations is an excellent way to do both. If she likes to read fan fiction, what are her most recommended titles? If she’s a foodie, what are her favorite local restaurants? If she’s an outdoor enthusiast, what are the best places for hiking in the region? Do not ask her overly personal questions in the first message such as her job title, her religious or political affiliation, or what she’s looking for in a man, unless she shared those things in her profile and you have those things in common. Also don’t ask questions like, “How was your weekend?” or “How’s online dating working for you?” She doesn’t know you yet and has no need to talk to you as if you were her best friend. You don’t need to write a long letter sharing your philosophical musings about love and life in the middle of the night. You don’t need to shower her with compliments. You don’t need to provide your resume or list your personality traits. Just a paragraph politely introducing yourself, identify your mutual interests or commonalities, share a hook, and ask her a question. Ok, you pressed Send! Now what? If she writes back with a polite rejection, be grateful for the acknowledgement, you don’t need to reply, and move on. If you’ve waited two days and she hasn’t responded, don’t write back, “Hello? Did you get my message?” hoping that it’ll prompt a response. They are not your employee and not obligated to respond to you. In fact, they are more like the employer, they don’t have to respond to anyone they are not interested in hiring, and inquiring after your application will get you black marks. If you get passed over, don’t take it personally. Some people only check their online dating inbox once a week. God knows we all have enough messages that we HAVE to respond to. Maybe she’s busy and not really interested in responding to anyone this week. Maybe she got a lot of messages and overlooked yours. Maybe she looked at your profile and determined that you were not a good fit. In a job search, the employer may shortlist your application, but if they don’t want to interview you, they are not going to contact you. It’s nothing personal, you’re just not the right fit. Move on. If you feel that you have a lot of commonalities with this person and there could really be a connection, then gently check back a week later and say, “If you’d like to chat, I’m still interested in hearing from you.” If they don’t respond, assume they pass. Move on. If she writes back with interest, now it’s up to you to turn her interest into a date. You can continue to discuss the subject that is of interest to you both, or you can discuss another commonality: “Hey! Thanks for your book recommendations! I’ll be sure to check them out. I love One Hundred Years of Solitude. Have you read Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Marquez?” “Hey! Fairmont Park also hosts great concerts in the summer. Do you like outdoor concerts?” At this point, you need to turn this interaction into an in-person meeting as quickly as possible. A few back and forths are fine, but with each new round the person has a chance of backing out or losing interest. Suggest a time and place near her (not near you) to meet up. “I’d love to talk more about this with you in person. How about meeting me at Green Engine Coffee on Tuesday at 8pm?” Don’t leave it to the other person to suggest a time or place, even if you think you are just being accommodating. Take the initiative and make it simple for the other person to accept. Once she accepts a date, give her your number. If she responds with hers, send her a text the day before you meet up to confirm. So now that I’ve covered the Do’s of messaging, what are the Don’ts?













Online dating etiquette 2016